I can tell the exact moment on a hot day where the temperature has hit its exact maximum and is going to only get cooler from that point on. Some may attribute this skill to the development of necessary survival skills relative to the set of individual circumstances that I deal with on any particular day. To them I say: “damn that’s a lot of syllables.” and also: “I prefer to think of it as my superpower.”
I would be lying if I sat here to tell you that some days when you’re dealing with limited physical or mental resources aren’t just much. Tasks can be that, days can be that and situations especially can be that. That doesn’t devalue in any way. If you are out there doing your best, you are by default providing such value to any situation as you can. But if it is feeling like much, keep your mind focused on the realities of the task, not your perceived reality of the task. If you do one, you will be overwhelmed… if you do the other, with practice, you will know the exact moment when you are on the downhill slope of getting through whatever challenge you are facing.
I say this after I come out the other day saying that I am not writing an advice column here. I get the implications of such a situation. The reality is that – way back at the beginning – I also said that this is as much an exercise for me as it is an informative set of writings and then after those two things, maybe it is helpful to someone out there in some way. I stand by all of those ideas and thoughts today… and the reality is that I noticed this moment today and would probably have missed it had someone not pointed out the obvious with regard to the calendar.
I have been away from home for several weeks and am still away from home for a couple more. Most of you probably are aware that Savitar had a cancerous nasal tumor and in order to get his treatment in an expedient manner, I had to come back to Missouri for his treatment. That is, of course, an overly simplistic view, but kind of covers the gist. Regardless, Sav’s treatment was broken into 18 doses, so there was a pretty finite schedule. Recent days had seen changes in medication, increasing doses and a lot of other medical considerations, and to say I was feeling overwhelmed would be a bit of an understatement. I had broken through the ice and had lost sight of the hole. BUT it was pointed out yesterday that we were beyond halfway in his treatment. I had known that, but hadn’t paid any attention to that fact because I was paying attention to all the individual pieces parts that were happening in order to get me from Point A to Point B. Add on that I voluntarily set myself on an unrelated path that holds a lot of uncertainty and requires a certain amount of attention as well.
Today, though, I felt that moment… the downhill break and it all felt… achievable. With the weekend off, Sav has 6 more doses of his radiation. Next Thursday. Then with flights being what they are, and allowing for potential equipment or medical challenges, I get to go home the following Tuesday. Home is important. Home is good. Home is not without challenges (I know I’ve talked about some of those), but home is safe. It is home. AND SO
If you are facing something that is big and daunting and involved, maybe sometimes the “focus bit by bit until you get there” thought (which I have subscribed to for years) may just in fact be the exact wrong thing in a situation. If you’re climbing a mountain, there is no penalty for looking up to see how much farther you have to go… for looking out to enjoy the scenery and appreciate where you are… for looking back to see where you have been. If you do these things, you may just in fact help yourself far more than you realize.
I had promised myself that I was going to be more direct and specific in my language and speak less allegorically… and here we are. The die is already cast though. Maybe tomorrow.
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