I don’t suppose that I have anything “new” or “earth-shattering” today, but I did do some winter-road driving and oddly it reinforced some things about my experience with chronic illness, energy management, and keeping your locus of identity (I don’t even know if that is a term, but if it isn’t, I completely made it up and I am claiming it. You can use it with attribution.) firmly within your own head.
I was struck by that last idea as I was driving winter roads earlier, so we’ll look in on that a little bit. One of the few things I specifically remember my dad saying verbatim when he was teaching me to drive was “Never let the guy in the car behind you drive your car.” I’ve thought about that gem frequently, and it is very rarely wrong advice, no matter where you apply it in your life. How did I get there today, though?
Because Missouri weather couldn’t just be cool and let me live my life, it has been 8 inches of snow and 78 degrees and every damn thing in between. The latest was a snap back to cold and freezing rain and stuff or whatever. I don’t really care. The roads were slick. If you ever learned how to really drive on slick roads, you know there are two main rules:
Anything you do in operating the vehicle, do gradually. Accelerator? Don’t romp on it. Brakes? Don’t stomp on them. Steering? Don’t wrench on the wheel in sudden, strong motions.
Leave sufficient space between you and the vehicle in front of you or any obstacle (or stop or turn) to allow for a slower, prudent reaction.
It seems like the combination of the three things up there ^^ are a good way to approach energy management. I know I know… this again. Did you know 88% (+/-) of MS sufferers report fatigue as a symptom? It is one of the very rare expressions that is nearly universal. It is probably my largest personal complaint. In its essence, there probably isn’t much difference in the root message, but the delivery may be applicable to someone when presented a different way, so… we go anyway.
With regards to the first part, “Never let the guy in the car behind you drive your car,” we learn that, you have to be able to say no and make decisions on what you can or can’t do in a particular moment. Perhaps an able-bodied person looks at you and sees lazy. It is not correct, but you can see where it is coming from. Perhaps they can do all the things with all the energy all of the time. That’s fine. Let them. But that does not mean that such a person gets to make any decisions on how you spend your energy. You know what you can do. You know how you will pay for it. You alone hold the scale to weigh it all out and determine if the investment is worthwhile. Never let the guy in the car behind you drive your car. Never let anyone else make decisions or “determinations” about what you should be doing. Maybe at the end of the day they mean well… but they don’t know the full equation.
When you’re looking at your day, just like driving in winter, you have the one big goal. Get to the end safely. When you are looking at your task list, remember that you have a big long day to get it done. Prioritize the things that have repercussions if they do not get done, and treat yourself with kindness on the rest. A non-critical task doesn’t get done today? GREAT. There is always tomorrow. And that is fine. Assign your energy and focus with critical thinking and kindness. Your body is not what it once was. You can’t expect it to do what it once did. That does not inform that you are not a valid or good person. Physically or mentally, never let the guy in the car behind you drive your car. You’re doing great.
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