I’m constantly torn between “I can’t let this illness ruin my life” and “I have to listen to my body and rest.”
2 years ago today I shared this quote, and I've kind of talked on these points without really saying it exactly this way so I thought I would share. This is simultaneously one of the most important things to learn first off and also the hardest, longest lesson to learn.
People my age and older were not trained to be kind to themselves or their bodies. "Good employees" showed up every day, rain or shine even if they had walking death. It was better to be a "good employee" and be thankful for the crumbs that our employers begrudgingly dropped onto the floor for us than to stay home and not risk others' health and well-being. As a result, frequently it is as much a mental health struggle to care for ourselves as it is a physical struggle.
If you physically can't do an activity on a day, that is OK. Run it through one of the tests that I talked about the other day. Is it going to end the world if the task does not happen today? If you have a deadline for something, you need to give that time and energy. If you feel shitty on a day, you probably don't have to do laundry on that day. Tomorrow's clothes will be just as clean. Sometimes "today that is just too much effort or energy required" is just fine. Work your energy budget days ahead of time so you can make informed decisions on what is going to be problematic for future plans. If you know you're going to go to the football game on Sunday night, that might cast a different light on if you need to mow the lawn on Friday. And that is perfectly fine. In fact, you can make your illness not ruin your life (catch that football game) *and* listen to your body and rest at the same time. It turns out, though, that sometimes these ideas are not directly linearly connected. Rest on Friday will bear fruit on Sunday.
If we get belligerent and gnash out at our limitations, screaming internally "Today it is going to be like it always was. I don't even care. I'm doing ALL THE THINGS" and we petulantly splash energy in every direction, we will be paying out what little of that precious commodity we have been able to hoard at a rate at least 1.5 X greater than most people will. Allow yourself to make smart decisions about what you do and don't do.
That having been said, don't allow any of that to be an excuse for pushing your body sometimes. Much like a power lifter, pushing the body is where you find gains. For instance, I knew I was going on a walking intensive trip several years back. In preparation, I started walking distance to get my endurance up. It started up the hill and back (hills are hard when you can't pick your toe up), worked up to a half-mile out and then back in (1 mile walk), 1 mile out and back in (2 mile walk) and I was doing nearly 3 miles daily by the time the trip happened. The last few steps were rarely pretty.... and the next few hours were probably blocked off for doing nothing, but regardless... I didn't die. I made smart decisions, allotted my energy accordingly, and managed both to rest and allow my body space while not letting my illness ruin my life by preventing me from going on the trip of a lifetime.
Be kind to yourself.
-- I know I have asked before, but if you haven't, please start at the beginning of this blog and share that post. Someone you know may need to hear some of this. I'm currently settled in at about 15 or 16 daily readers and I appreciate each and every one of you. I am just some dude in his dining room, I get it. But I want this to be more. I want it to reach people who need it. Please share if you haven't.
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